Attic Tales

We human beings are amazing creatures aren’t we? After spending a number of years on this planet, we get a wee bit cocky about our place in the Universe. We spend most of our lives narrowing down what we can and cannot do as well as what we want and don’t want. And right when we think we’ve got it all figured out, the Universe has a way of turning our lives upside down and making us question everything we’ve ever believed in…to the point where we doubt every single one of our values…except the one about farm animals…that’s a good one. Continue Reading »

Despite the fact that I’m an egomaniac (yes Dr. Desjardins I do draw the best giraffe heads) I’m able to recognize there are countless people in the world who excel at so many things of which I will never be able to do: like rocket science, sudoku, and belching the alphabet. Ok I admit the last two I could do if I really applied myself. However, rocket science would require a level of commitment of which I’m not ready to give simply because my new goal in life is to aspire not to be great, not to be good, but to be adequate. Hey a girl has to have some ambition. Continue Reading »

Hello! Hello!

I’m baaaaaaaaaaack!

Due to an unexpected amount of traffic, my bandwith was overexceeded and I had to wait for it to reset at the beginning of the month. The site is up and running again, and I thank everyone who contacted me to let me know there was a problem.

Having the site down for 10 days gave me ample opportunity to catch up on my columns, visit other people’s websites, and spend far too much time on gaytube. I’m glad to get back to my regularly scheduled program…who am I kidding? I’m still going to visit gaytube.

Thanks again to everyone for your support and your patience.

GG

This past Tuesday I was with my friend Kelley (shout out to the Grasshopper) eating at a Korean restaurant. When my plate was brought to me, I immediately delved into it with great relish and then proceeded to choke on the hot spiciness of the dish. When I was done sputtering, I proclaimed: “Holy Crap! This will put hair on my chest!” At which point Kelley looked at me and said: “I’m so glad we’re not dating.” I looked at her surprised…it’s not like I said:” This will put more hair on my chest!” After all, I shave between my breasts on a regular basis. Continue Reading »

The first time I kissed a girl I was twenty. It was soft, sweet, and slow…and for a few seconds I completely forgot to breathe. It was then that I realized I was indeed gay. I also realized that if I wanted to live a long healthy life as a lesbian, I should probably stop kissing this particular girl since her boyfriend was just a few feet away. Continue Reading »

I like watching people be in relationships. Sadly, because of restraining orders, I can no longer do this while couples are in the privacy of their homes and I’m sitting in a tree in their backyards. Still, regardless of where I’m watching them interact, they’re only a joy to observe if they’re in healthy relationships. Time and time again I’ve seen lesbians latch onto eachother as though they were the only two left in the world. And no matter how ugly the parasitic bonding becomes, they won’t let go of eachother until at least one of the two is sucked dry of all her emotional healthiness…and even then…they might still get married. Continue Reading »

Welcome to You didn’t ask but I’ll tell you anyway, a “weekly” column where you get to ask me questions, express your opinions, and send me naked pictures of yourself. That last part is optional of course…or is it? Continue Reading »

Please note this column was originally posted at http://www.nomorepotlucks.org on March 11th, 2007.

Though they might not stalk you and force you to get a restraining order, some exes still won’t go gently into the night. Let’s explore the good, the bad and the ugly in a lesbian break-up. Continue Reading »

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.” Henri Bergson

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.” Reinhold Niebuhr

I hate change. I always have. I’m mighty comfortable in my box. After all, I’m its creator, its decorator, and its sole…um…occupator…sorry about that…I needed to rhyme. I feel safe in my box. I very rarely want to leave it, even when it makes me miserable. I’ve noticed when I’ve had to make any kind of major change that forces me outside the confines of my box, I’m terrified. However, I’ve also noticed that when I do overcome my fears and exit my box, my life becomes infinitely better…despite causing me to have the runs. Continue Reading »

Penis Schmenis: Where the lesbians put the fun in dysfunctional.
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